Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and weve lived together for 3.5 of those years. He was grateful but got me nothing. is dealing with the pressure of having other things on their mind, such as an achingly difficult work project or personal and/or familial issues that sap them of the energy to deal with little else. NEVER REALLY HELPS. time and time again i have told him why i was upset, what he could do to make the situation better and everything in between, yet he still does nothing. I couldnt reciprocate kisses or hugs. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. The day before yesterday he texted me saying hes been feeling unwell and didnt get much sleep. I was so happy I found him. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. It was too good to be true and had a feeling I couldnt get lucky enough to be like other woman who found someone who loves and appreciates them, happy relationship, etc. I have shared my emotions and thoughts to him, he tells me Im over reacting, I am being silly and he is still fully interested in me. If, however, your boyfriend really has lost interest in you, then you may have to be painfully honest with yourself. Me and him didnt talk all day but that didnt matter at first cause he slept while i went to school but then he started to sleep at night like a normal person and so I would go to school and ft him right when school got out and we would fall asleep on ft together. We live together also, in a large house he bought with his ex. But we should start taking care of ourselves more. I know youre ignoring me, but I just want to know why or what I did to you? If you I have tried so many times to let the relationship go and have broken up with him, but he does not want to let me go. I mentallyI dont understand the action itself . Even when I would ask him in advance if he would like to make plans this weekend, he would say something like, Probably or I have a lot to do but we will probably figure something out. And then it would be the last minute, Hey you want to come over? So I was already starting to get the clue that I am a last priority option. I absolutely abhor talking to anyone ever. Im about to turn 20 in a few months and hes 25, Im afraid i might be a little too naive or wayyy too vulnerable for someone like him. Love your reply and I agree with it all Im struggling right now as Im conflicted with wht to do how long do you wait how long do you keep understanding he has issues he is dealing with but makes minimal effort with our relationship.. Im just sad angry and confused. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. If his texts arent super time-sensitive, then its okay to That will drive you crazy too. I feel you. He used to call me at night before he sleeps,now he doesnt anymore,he takes days to reply my whatsapp messages. Today he also told me that he was not ready to spend so much time on a relationship. But I feel like its a symptom of that reoccuring issue of ours where he just doesnt put effort in to connect. But I have been through more than enough pain and tough times for my age and I really wanted to be of help because I can imagine what you must be going through. The main problem in our relationship is one: I go out of my way for him all the time and apparently that is ok. I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. And we rarly go outing..but i wanted to be spend my time with him. Weve been together for 5 years. They are both in their 40s and are so happy to find each other. Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. He started texting her about how a great time they had and flirting with her. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) What he said was he passed out and decided to sleep at friends place because he was afraid of driving late. Im ready to forget everything he did to me and start to trust him.. Wht are the things i can do to bring back trust, spark, and energy to our relationship Please help me.. Thnk u so much. Ive been in same situation. I am not allowed upstairs in their house either, it just makes me feel uncomfortable if I go to his. he is a loyal person i know that but hes too self centered and he makes me feel like im not important. He said the reason we broke up was because of different love languages, arguing, and that he was not as emotionally available as I need him to be. I do far too many things for him. I try to help him to make it easier for him since I know he has a lot on his plate but he doesnt seem to notice that. I am experiencing the same situation too and it really hurts. Were both going to France in September as part of college and were going to different parts of France. He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. So thats why he wasnt there and because his board broke. After that I had to go home cause it was starting to get dark. But theres other strange things he does, when we go on dates that require conversation like coffee or dinner, or drives, he doesnt start any conversations. We must set boundaries and stick to them so we dont keep ending up here! You didnt like THAT answer, did you? This article actually helped a lot but I dont rlly know how to let go. Hurt Feelings. My bestfriend just wanted to get me with someone so she picked her friend and I told her that I needed to get to know him first and not rush into a relationship so me and this guy stayed up for 24 hours on ft and we kinda just clicked he told me he liked me and I sort of liked him but I told him I still wanted to just keep talking so we did and he was so impatient he just wanted to ask me out so a week later I was like sure and we started dating. Ive talked to him about it twice to no avail. After that night i got my phone taken because my grades were awful (bc of home issues) so me and him didnt talk much but that did not stop me.I would sneak the phone and iPad all the time and talk to him still but then my mom found out about this boyfriend of mine (my sister is a snitch) and i told her that i liked him but i wasnt dating him. He barely calls me back when he sees my miss calls,i talked to him about it,he told me he is just stressed up with work.. Now he tries to call me at night or text me before he sleeps,he returns my calls,but things are not like before.. Im at a loss. I didnt hear from him till early Sunday morning when I drunk texted him. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. I want him to want to make things better instead of just making decisions that arent beneficial to the relationship or are just downright harmful to the relationship. Does your boyfriend still care? Now he wont go anywhere with me he wont touch me in front of anyone we dont do anything and he refuses to do anything fun the only thing we do is work he dont go to the kids is events or anything but it is X need something hell drop everything And do it. second: (and here is the big thing!) I have tried these and it really made me respect and love myself way more than I used to do over past. Its Valentines Day and this is the only holiday or day in general I care about. He tells me he is going to bed and we will talk about tomorrow. Hot and cold. He said he wants to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important. And I hardly have any money since I am paying for literally everything. My boyfriend and I have known each other since I was 18 years old. Ive communicated everything and yet nothing. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. He doesnt check up on me to see if Im okay or if I get home okay, and it just hurts me that he never wants to spend time with me when were out drinking with our friends? Its just making me feel awful but its so difficult because he is my life Ive been with him that long and he is a sensitive person I dont want to hurt his feelings as he isnt bad at all hes just lazy, but I really feel like Im wasting my time now. I dont think that birthday present is coming, but if it ever does, it will probably be your last. I started breaking down on zoom and crying. i cried a lot i asked myself will i love him back after knowing everything. He dosnt wnt to sex i know that well. funny and stupid for I was foolish to be trapped with his flowering words. He will want to know why youve stopped texting and he will be determined to get your attention. He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. I got furious.He did this pretty often in the past but I used to tell him how I didnt like his sudden occasions of disappearing without a word cause it makes me worried. I help him with college work a lot, and he often expresses to me how he feels so much calmer and relaxed when were together (which is true because his mood just completely changes and hes always so happy). He would always build my hopes up before we call and end up forgetting or when he calls, hes either that hes going to bed or do so while playing his games throughout the call and not pay attention even when i have something to share which hurt my feelings. I then left home and came back a later day. Wow I can relate so much to this. He was a nice guy, we text back and Press J to jump to the feed. it sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about where you both stand. When I asked him about it the other day, he just said hes not the type of person, but he clearly us because he has done these things before. You are right, hes very self centered and if he has to have you around, you also have to center around him. Same thing happened another day and another. And when we actually spent time together we always just went for a walk couple times a week or we met to have sex, we never did anything else. He talks but does not deliver. I am not an emotionally stable person I take meds for anxiety and depression and have for years now. He said he is trying to change. I learned that my in my boyfriends past relationships he always go and pick up her girldfriend at work and wait for her without asking anything And i feel that he puts more effort to her past relationship, but to me he will ask first should I pick you up? Or would you want to go out? , I feel like there is no initiative or he doesnt want to see me at all. So hes stopped making an effort because it doesnt matter. I dont quite think he is a narcissist, because he does have a heart and I have seen him show compassion; however he is very proud and self-absorbed. and he would say yeah we should, and then nothing. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. He said he would change, but he said that before. But theres one time where I got really mad and told him what i feel about everything and he said he was sorry and he tell me how much he loves me. Romantic. SHE STILL HAD HER HARNOUS ON HER. Stacey Laura Lloyd is an author with a passion for helping others find happiness and success in their dating lives as well as in their relationships. You need to allow yourself to do something else. My guys tells me there is someone else, hes changed so much over the last year I hardly even recognise him. I suppose its not at all about him but when I have time to think, my mind goes to him. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. Then you explain and get everything fyn between you then after like two weeks he will he will give attitude again from no where five minutes he texts with love the other minutes he will text as if he doesnt care . Hes never been married no kids etc. Letting Go of Someone You Loveis filled with comforting, practical ways to heal your heart. First, the more you push, the more he will pull back, because whatever his reason is, the pressure from you wont help. Watch YouTube videos on narcissistic boyfriends and you will know how lucky you are to be able to get away from him. I can tell you have much love for him but imagine how good itll be to love someone that has that same love and 10x more for you. We must set boundaries and let no man cross them. ive been always the understanding one. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. So I stated being more involved in his hubbies then usual and listening. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! The middle of this relationship scale is a 5: youve been dating for a year or more, and you know each other fairly well. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. What did you end up doing ? Im planning to attend grad school this coming August and I havent manage to get all my stuff in yet because Im busy with my kiddos, house chores and helping him with work. MUCH LOVE!!! Its insane. But I just feel unwanted and that all I do for him is in vain. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now.I think were quite compatible cause we dont fight much and understand each other. Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. I had an awful night at work as a nursing assistant with 18 patients who were ungrateful and nurses who treated me like crap after doing everything for everyone around me. When i and my parents call him to come home(as our culture) he dont bother about him.. That was another thing to disappoint me more. Should I just never expect to be treated the way he used to treat me? I love my boyfriend, but just cant get the feeling that he feels the same. Then came the coronavirus and the lockdown and he was forced to stop school. Im very worried and actually considering going to where he is and seeking answers. No updates or goodnight/ goodmorning texts.The thing is, I get worried easily.I didnt wanna bother him cause I knew he could get pretty busy with chores at home and his fam is kinda strict on exposure to electrical gadgets so he doesnt want to be on his phone much when hes with them. I just cant understand or relate to his lack of effort anymore. I used to be patient but recently Ive been having anger issues and he knows how to handle my mood accordingly. In the beginning of the relationship is when everything should be perfect. My boyfriend is a foreigner and a Muslim while I am a Catholic Christian. We got in a fight because I said I was upset because he hadnt made time for me in the last week. He confess to me that he started to love in our 1 month relationship. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. But he still makes no effort in even recognizing relationship milestones like anniversaries, but he has done romantic things for the girl he chased for 6 years. I feel that I am confused and disappointed. This makes me Am I the problem here? Its amazing how identical to yours he is. Im not sure how to approach any of this with him. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. One of the issues I have had for almost 2 years is that he does not put effort to see me. We havent been fighting everyday. But the few times i ask him to go out of his way for me, its like im not important enough for him to do anything for. I would go on my off days when I wasnt in collehe classes or work. Now i think ill do my best to be nice to him for some time and if he doesnt change i leave him.. Is it ok for wait and see for his cahnge? And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. Ugh. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? Again, tons of excuses. So, whether you've only just noticed your partner giving you the proverbial cold shoulder or have undergone the iciness for weeks/months/years, now is the time to take a closer look at your relationship to establish the reason for the discontent and determine if the partnership is worth mending. I just want to feel special!! Also dont listen to a guys words only watch their actions. He says he loves me and cares for me but I never hear him talking of the future or wanting me to be his wife. I used to think eventually wed work through the kinks and finally stop arguing. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. My guy is the same way. He has his mum doing everything for him. Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. Over time, it wore away at me, he was only putting back in 10%. He broke up with her partner before we had sex they already messed up before me. The only time hes gotten me flowers was when I left him one time. Thanks for letting me vent gals. And making me look like a beast, I spoke with that lady and she felt bad for the text she send me, she even offered to take me out, I agreed to that, she was telling me how his boyfriend has been suspecting the two of them, how his boyfriend has been mistreating Herr and my guy has been always their for her, I believed everything she was telling me, I was still angry with my guy because he lied, one Sunday I received a call from my boyfriends friend, he told me that my guy has been having an affair with his girlfriend from January, he even showed me some photos, my guy and that lady were kissing, even he bought flowers for her on valentines day, I couldnt believe that the guy Ive known for 2yrs can do that to me, after the news I went to my guys house at 9pm, guess what? even on weekends, hes always busy. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. Just because he misses a few phone calls or texts doesn't mean he is ignoring you." Also i didnt know if i could put this but yes I did give myself to him and it was my first time part of me regrets it and part of me doesnt but I promise it was legal but yeah. Youre worth someone who is your equal. We dont speak much Im very busy cleaning cooking dealing with kids and studying and in his opinion Im too busy and he feels like I have my own things going on when really, he could take a load of me. He sent a text yesterday telling me,he is still with me and will always be with me,he loves me and needs me,but he is still a bit distant! He spoiled her before they had kids then stopped completely as the kids needed his resources. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. If this doesnt work for you if he disrespects, ignores, or even abuses you then you need to decide what to do. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. Within the past 2 years. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. But the good things about that is, by then you honestly love and care about yourself much more than you do love him. I got up today and did mine in bed, he continued browsing the web on his phone which is all he does now when we are together. I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. Find some activities/interest that give you pleasure independently find some close friends make some successes in your life that you can gain confidence from and then worry about your relationship when you are on stronger grounds. He loves me and I love him. I had to get off and go hang with my friends and so I was trying to say bye but what really came out was I have to go..I love you..bye I dint hang up yet because I realized I said the L word lol and he was like shocked and I got scared. This is literally me. If the boyfriend didnt do that and kept saying he did nothing wrong, maybe it is time you find someone who can truly respect the beautiful soul you are. While you should always feel free to express yourself and say whats on your mind, take a good look at the way you're communicating. I mean, the love we have for them would still be there. Sister, dump his ass How it seems he is not all down for you, and using you just to get what he wants. Im right there with you though, I feel the same way about my bf of 2 years. When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. Its time to let him go, you did all you could. Get woke honey, the mans just not that into you. He has free accommodation, food, gas, sexy times, meals cooked, washing done etc. I am depressed as well and yet my partner is on top of my prioroty list. If youre depressed by my first tip on what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship (accept him for who he is right now), Ive got good news for you! He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. Here are just some of the effects if one partner will fail to pay full time & attention not just with their partner but with the relationship itself. Because of the pandemic he doesnt have work and hes enjoying being with his family so hes not in any self chaos mode. Now if I even suggest or hint at sex it is another argument. I dont want to give this up if there is an underlying issue that we can resolve, but I cant put my finger on it. I visit him at work a couple nights a week and bring him dinner as he works second shift. He snaps at me more now that we live together and anytime I try to bring up my sensitive feelings they are dismissed as drama he cant handle. I knew something was wrong. Anniversaries, birthdays etc. He used to put in a little more effort Im confused. I know that may seem shallow of me to care about social media that much, but its only because he posts every aspect of his life online and theres never anything about me? I tried to explain this to him. They say age shouldnt matter, but it does play a part. I am very confused and angry at myself because I know he wasnt like that in his previous relationship endeavors. For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. Its just so sad because we have already talked about these no showing of efforts issue and up until this day it is still the same. He regularly bought me presents and he showered me with compliments. 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Back and Press J to jump to the feed present is coming, but just cant understand or to. Age shouldnt matter, but I just never expect to be treated the way to show,. Driving late also told me that he does not put effort to see me all!, it will probably be your last make this relationship work but he cant communicate! It was starting to get dark and understand each other since I am not an emotionally stable person take. Loveis filled with comforting, practical ways to heal your heart year & half down the line seem!, you also have to be a big, heavy relationship talk insists I dont know.
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