Although its tempting to give the offender a piece of your mind, remaining calm is the best response. MANAGER: While I admire your confidence in this situation it never hurts to learn more and get more guidance. Synonyms: condescending, superior, stooping, lofty More Synonyms of patronizing. In essence, theyre behaving as though your choices and preferences are childish, uneducated, misguided, and even embarrassing. You could say, Yeah, I totally get it how frustrating this is or Trust me, I get why this is so stressful., For example, if your boss tells you, I dont think you bothered to send the client information about the project, you could say, Ill double-check and send it over to them right now if they havent received it., If your boss directs their frustration about a company-wide problem towards you, redirect it with something like, I see how thats a problem. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. These Sisters Quit Their Jobs Mid-Pandemic to Risk It All for Their Brand. I sued the last HR staffer that didnt know her place. Originally published This response directly addresses Janes interruption on Jack immediately in the moment which allows for Jane to understand right away that their behavior was not appropriate. Everyone knows what it's like to be around someone who just doesn't make them feel great about themselves with their condescending tone of voice. Whatever you do, don't storm off or get angry. Those odds aren't probably worth going up against. For women in particular, being told to "Take it easy" is peak patronizing. Examples of Condescending Behavior at Work Condescending people make us feel bad about ourselves with their tone of voice and patronizing attitude. Interruption/talking over another. But when I made my comment, I saw him blush. Sometimes, they also tend to make unnecessary noise so they can cover up their ignorance. Lets say youre in a work environment and youre assigned to be the leader or manager for a particular project. This kind of backhanded compliment can feel worse than getting no praise at all. MANAGER: And what would have been the impact of that alternative approach? In a 2019 poll taken by Men's Health, 43 percent of respondents said that when another guy calls him "Boss," he thinks that guy is a "condescending a**hole." wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. JANE: Maybe he didn't practice his presentation enough? This one is just as infuriating as the remarks mentioned above, if not more so. However finding a respond that will both make you feel heard and confident that it wont happen again, is important. In school, boys are encouraged to take more air time. Anyone could do that. During one-on-one with Jane MANAGER: When you interrupted Jack during his presentation, how did that affect his presentation? Adult men then talk much more in groups, which adds to their perceived influence. Adjacent, equally aggravating directives include "Chill out," "Calm down," and "Relax!" Did you not hear me? If you offer a solution to a problem in a meeting, and someone says, "Hey, that's actually a pretty good idea," it sounds as if they're surprised by your intelligent contribution, and they generally expect little of you. In my conversations with them, I heard lots of phrases such . Allow All Cookies. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Level up your tech skills and stay ahead of the curve. They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and whats going on around them. Having some perspective can also make it easier for you to control your emotions and avoid getting upset by their words or actions. No one wins with this attitude not even the condescending person. Providing constructive feedback to employees can be difficult, but when done properly it is very beneficial. Women are interrupted more than men, by both men and women . I always thought it was "day-byoo.' Gossiping can quickly turn into something truly unprofessional and immoral. does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace, seek advice from a supervisor or another HR professional, Workplace ethical dilemma: an employee threatens to take their grievances to the media, Employee who refused a drug test at work loses unfair dismissal case, An HR guide to writing a termination letter. When coaching those accused of this behavior, we find that they frequently do not understand what we mean by those terms. [disapproval] The tone of the interview was unnecessarily patronizing . Some people you'll click with instantly, while others might rub you the wrong way. Sep 12, 2022 Here are some useful comebacks. Calling other men "Chief," "Boss" or "Big Guy" is a weird sort of faux-submission posturing. By simply interrupting or talking over you, theyre trying to show that theyre more important than you and what they have to say has more value than whatever you were blathering on about. "Well part of the problem is that you have autism so you sometimes engage in this or that behavior.". They might happen between family members, colleagues, friends, or complete strangersall depending on circumstance and what's going on around them. Here are some examples of condescending statements: "Well, I know YOU think that, but in reality" "Wait, so you REALLY thought that [insert think you actually did think here]" Watch your body language when confronting someone: finger pointing, crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or standing over the person while they are seated wont do you any favours in resolving the situation. Impulsiveness Of Youth In Romeo And Juliet. While a comment or behavior from a coworker may seem personal . Firstly, it implies that you arent worth listening to and dont deserve respect. 2. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. 3. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Theyll speak with great authority about what everyone else should be doing, saying, choosing, wearing, eating, and so on, and then get incredibly offended if their advice isnt met with praise and appreciation. Oftentimes, people act condescending because they're secretly insecure. If theyve done something thats (actually!) We've all been in a conversation that's moving along just fine, when suddenly you find yourself whisked off on an unexpected detour, riding out someone's impassioned explanation of something that you already know. Both words and behaviors communicate the fact that the condescending person thinks they're better, smarter, and more successful than other people. But head-patting is never okay. The issue is when you go to the trouble to name drop, but then act like it's no big deal, which suggests that you consider these people important enough to mention, but also consider yourself among their peers. She asked them to repeat the title because she didnt quite catch it, and they rolled their eyes, repeated it, and said, Its in German, youve probably never even heard of it.. If the belittling behaviour continues, however, its best to seek advice from a supervisor or another HR professional. 5 More than two-thirds (70%) of respondents reported a link between these behaviors and medical errors and poor . Condescending behavior is having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority; showing that you consider yourself better or more intelligent. Remarking on Someone's Appearance Calling Out Someone's Natural Expression Implying Someone Didn't Prepare Enough Questioning Someone's Success Publicly Belittling People's Ideas Using a Pet Name in Particular Situations Suggesting Teachers Are Less Capable Examples of demeaning behavior include criticizing a person in front of others, making jokes at another person's expense, rolling eyes after someone's comments, making sarcastic comments about a person. Condescending and patronizing behavior can come packaged together. While a male boss might think calling his subordinate "chief" is a way of being chummy, or rubbing elbows with the little people, it tends to come across with a patronizing tone. We'll be in your inbox every morning Monday-Saturday with all the days top business news, inspiring stories, best advice and exclusive reporting from Entrepreneur. If you disagree with someone's opinion, there's no problem with saying that directly. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Some perfect examples of this would be people who choose not to follow the same spiritual paths as older family members or those who decide on a career path that only garners disapproval. While it can be helpful to correct someone occasionally, the employee who is constantly correcting the pronunciation, grammar, and behavior of his colleagues is not needed in the workplace. When in fact, theyre likely completely valid, well-researched, carefully chosen, and (most importantly) right for the individual. "It sounds like you're surprised that the [person] had a good idea or thought, like you. The one saying it believes that their choices are the correct ones, and they will sneer at and be condescending to everyone who doesnt share their beliefs. Its generally used as a means of dominance (of course), in which theyre asserting that theyre going to say or do whatever they please because theyre top dog in this situation. As an example, when my partner was working in a bookstore in her early twenties, a customer asked her if she could help them find a particular book. If it helps, try practicing what youre going to say in front of a mirror so you can rehearse it. By using our site, you agree to our. Its HR that needs the lessons dispensed to, not the other way around which is the problem. MANAGER: Which of the two assessments would you prefer, if you could repeat them? This sort of "sigh, shame-on-you" comment can be used in all kinds of situations but is almost always seen as a condescending remark. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, Copyright A Conscious Rethink. Anyone with a shred of self-awareness will take that cue to track down the right pronunciation, and if they don't bother, then going forward, it's not worth your time to correct them anyway. I understand that the data I am submitting will be used to provide me with the above-described products and/or services and communications in connection therewith. It can include not listening to someone who is trying to talk to you, not respecting someone's personal space, not taking someone's feelings into account, speaking in a condescending or belittling manner, or not offering someone the same respect that you show to others. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. It's important to be direct when talking about your employee's development and growth. True comment, they get what they deserve, Im totally in agreement. Others may have heard it from those who have opposing political views or from people who make different personal life choices, such as dietary preferences or breastfeeding. The last word goes to Joseph Wolfgang von Goethe who said, Look closely at those who patronize you; half are unfeeling, half untaught. Make sure youre not among the unfeeling or clueless and help educate and reign in your colleagues who are. Emmas response it pretty good. "I actually like that idea" When you say this, it can land like a patronizing backhanded compliment. I'm going to do that. Chances are they haven't actually weighed the likelihood that you do or don't know what they're explaining-they just know that they know it, and that's enough reason for them to expound. Here are some examples of their behavioral patterns. JANE: He was stumbling. This expands upon the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone mid-sentence. For example, if your child is making a mess of their toys, you can take a toy away to incentivize them to pick them up next time. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Overly familiar, one-size-fits-all nicknames-especially from people you interact with in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look. Instead of compliment sandwiches, you could try a feedback method like the one Pixar has developed, which they call "plussing." Certified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor. JANE: Well, the downside would be that we wouldn't have had the benefit of the correct information right away. We have unskilled pencil pushers who think they are completely untouchableuntil they find out they are. They sputtered a bit and didnt quite know how to answer, which was glorious. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This article has been viewed 32,305 times. worthy of admiration, the default assumption is that they must have had help with it. Mansplaining is one such example. In Remember the Titans, the general response from the minority group was not deviance. Selective deafness is always an option. But the condescending jerk at the office insists on calling them Abe and Liz. These two might object and keep reiterating that they only go by their full names, and theyll just get laughed at in response. If someone says that a suggestion you have is actually a good idea, then theyre implying that everything you usually say is not. While it can happen naturally someone who constantly interrupts whether in a formal or informal setting can make their peers feel unheard and unappreciated. Both coworkers prefer the long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such. Managers are tasked not only with identifying these individuals and their behavior but with addressing them as well. Subscribe to our daily or weekly email for news and analysis that will get you thinking in the morning. Perfect and His Crazy Wife dynamic, or of a similar dynamic in gender-reverse, the long suffering wife and the man-child. Call Him on It. It's true that in the repertoire of touching methods, "patting" acquaintances is a better option than "stroking," "smacking" or "pinching," and there are certain scenarios in which patting someone on the back or shoulder is entirely acceptable. Here, we point out some behaviors people say that typically don't land well and foster negativity. Ive seen this happen in work settings, but it can also happen in one-on-one situations as well as in groups. There are all kinds of people who are unpleasant to be around-Debbie downers, complainers, jealous green monsters, mean-spirited snarks, and most anyone who wears neon sunglasses- but if you walk away from another person feeling worse about yourself, there's a good chance you've been dealing with a condescending person. Confronting condescending employees will not be pleasant. It implies that the other person is being melodramatic or otherwise emotionally unstable, thus invalidating anything they have to say. He seemed fine at first. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. If your boss sends you an email that says, I need this now not later this week it really could just be that theyre in a rush and just need something quickly. Furthermore, theyll assume that if you look or behave a certain way (i.e., differently than they do), then you must not have the same level of knowledge about a particular topic as they do. Do it firmly and respectfully. Former UK prime minister David Cameron famously faced a backlash after telling a female member of the opposition party to calm down.. A subtle form of bullying, being patronised can leave you feeling infuriated and impotent. First, talk to your boss as an individual. Saying: "You NEVER do this." "You ALWAYS do this." "I'm sorry you feel that way." "You need to calm down." "Take it easy!" Also. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Heres an example in which a manager may call a subordinate into the office to give them some feedback: Hey champ! JANE: Yes. How do you respond to condescending remarks? You don't have to give a compliment to give a critique. JANE: As much as I want everything to be right, I'd choose the other right now. Copyright 2023 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. After theyre told to relax or calm down, anything they say is likely to be ignored or brushed aside as being petty and irrelevant. Still, if you've been told you have a condescending streak, here are some eye-roll-worthy behaviors to discontinue. Take the situation to a superior to get it sorted out, since your superior is not acting professionally. So when someone tells a woman to "Take it easy," she'll likely feel like that person is saying she's "over the top" or "dramatic." [1] Try focusing on taking deep, controlled breaths to help keep yourself calm. Here are just a few examples. Every workplace contains a wide variety of people who behave in different ways. Research has shown time and again that men tend to perceive more "shrillness" and emotion in women's voices. Lead by example. Men might get this sort of response on occasion, but it happens a lot to women. It's up to you whether you want to apologize to Jack, but it sounds like an apology would help smooth things over with him. EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Overall, this campaign resulted in a 25% increase in our target audience over the last four weeks. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg\/aid12653730-v4-728px-Deal-with-a-Condescending-Boss-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); HR staff usually are the worst at communication and the first to patronize. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. People who go this route are often fiercely insecure, and they use their acquired knowledge base as a shield to hide behind, prop themselves up with, and injure others as needed. Most condescending behaviors can be handled with direct professional communication. I think he was unnerved. MANAGER: Jane, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his interaction with the customer. Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with "well, that's never happened to me", offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right By understanding the different types of workplace behaviors employees may have, managers can help their teams increase performance and complete work tasks more effectively. The goal is to keep undermining the others, and if they complain about this behavior, theyll be seen as petulant instead of fun coworkers who accept these pet names good naturedly. It is usually intended to make people feel bad . What does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace? supervisor evaluation letter . 15. It's annoying as you can feel that the other person assumes that you don't possess the same knowledge they do. Heres How, Why Are Workers Quitting? And it's true that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down sometimes. It is very difficult to respond to patronising comments. Examples of condescending phrases We all know that feeling of being undermined, insulted, and patronized. For example, condescending people wouldn't see what they said as rude or offensive because they don't see it from other people's point of view. Be sure to read Lynnes books on how to handle tough conversations. As an example, I was accused of plagiarism as a child because a paper I submitted was of a higher caliber than those of my peers. You're not saving lives here. They might not even be aware they were doing it. Related: 5 Horrible Traits That Push People Away. Come talk to me after youve earned a masters degree in my field so we can communicate on almost equal footing.. 1. If you "actually" like something, you can just say you like it. Condescending co-workers can wreak havoc and hurt productivity. EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. It is important to respond in a non-emotional, neutral, matter-of-fact way. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Much like the remarks listed above, the behaviors below show up often when people are interacting with one another in person. But what they have in common is power play, with one individual exerting their authority or seniority over another. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 2008 -2023 Lynne Eisaguirre | Privacy | Site Map Proudly Presented By: Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at: 3985 Wonderland Hill|Suite 106|Boulder, CO 80304, You may also call or write me to discuss your options at:303-216-1020 or, Newsletter Effective Online Training in Response to #metoo: Heres What You Need to Know, Newsletter Why You Need One-on-One Sensitivity Training AND Performance Management Training, What Leaders Can Learn About Retaliation From Andrew Cuomos Mistakes. You did something smart, and I never expected that from you!" 6. Meanwhile, the one suffering it may have blackout or aura migraines that render them incapacitated for days at a time, but whatever. Its never happened to them personally, so they must be overreacting. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." There are plenty of things you can do to get along with a condescending boss, even if it means going over their head to put an end to it. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Once again, this is a commentary on a persons aptitude. Try not to come off as sarcastic. Aggression such as shouting, yelling and belittling comments are all obvious signs of condescension. This is one of the rudest and most condescending behaviors out there, and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you. Leadership behavior. If you disagree with their lifestyle choices, it's usually best to mind your own business. Many people see a compliment sandwich and think, Just give it to me straight. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. In general, it's not a great idea to touch people who aren't family members or close friends. 8. Here are two classic examples: "This presentation turned out way better than your last one." "I could tell you didn't have a ton of time, but that project still looked good." Your intentions to offer a commendation are pure. However, people are sometimes condescending in more subtle ways, such as talking about people behind their backs or making fun of colleagues in the form of jokes. Copyright @ Australian HR Institute. MANAGER: Could you've helped Jack in another way to give correct information? Calmly and professionally call out the patronizing person without making a scene or being dramatic by pointedly yet politely saying, "Gee, that comment sounded a bit condescending to me. Explaining Stuff You Already Know This person will explain things like they're offering you valuable knowledge. If you pat someone's head they will invariably be forced to look up at you-in confusion or possibly an attempt to displace your hand-and then you'll find yourself in the literal predicament of "looking down on them." To demean someone is to insult them. A woman boss might think she's being approachable or motherly by calling her female employees "honey" or "sweetie," but that can lead to a sense of false familiarity that makes it difficult for employees to speak frankly. It doesn't come cloaked in kindness. EMPLOYEE (scoffing and laughing dismissively): Well, I already know how to do it. Youll often get this type of remark from someone who considers themselves to be more intelligent or well-educated than you are. examples of condescending behavior at work