baby rejecting mom after going back to workbaby rejecting mom after going back to work
She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. I have a 11 month old little girl. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. nw i think my gal dun wants me . i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Im starting to become resentful of my husband (who is not taking me seriously at all) and even worse my son xx. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. Here is the good news: you are not alone. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! But they arent helping your relationship with your child. It was more about me I think than him. Even if its only by God and me I suppose. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. I dont know what to do. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Hi! Do it now. Good luck and let us know how things develop! Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. She just wants me to go away from her. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. Tonight, he did not want to come to me she had to push him on me! She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. I feel so down. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. 1. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Not all babies become this sensitive, and it does seem as if your daughter is feeling quite secure. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. Just feel depressed that my 11-month-old does not want me and prefers my mom all the time its my fault.. due to certain unavoidable circumstances I had to leave her with my parents in my home country for 5 months, and now I am reunited with her (at 10 months)..its been a month with her now.. Ive been trying to bring her around to like me.. she does like me, I spend quite some time with her. Please help me to know what is the problem? There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. When she comes home from nursery its a whole lot worse, I think its because she has been with other women who are completely fun all of the time. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? Praise your wife when she manages to be cool about it it isnt easy! I feel your pain. However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. I feel like a bad mom. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! Warm wishes, sometimes I sit and think i should just give her to her father. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. I hope its just a phase. It must be very confusing for her. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. I dont know what to do. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. She preferred me up until recently. Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. paid fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java; tu exam center 2078 notice. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. Things went downhill from there. It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. Peek-a-boo. Seems it starts around this age. Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. Must be very painful for the mother. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. Weekends too. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. Thanks. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. Not a good feeling. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. I am really shattered. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? A boy and a girl. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. but, really, we'll be alright. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. Goodness! thank you for writing tips on coping. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Thank you SO much for writing about this!! I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. I see you're still nervous. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. Pump or hand express your milk. She dribbled a lot of it out at first and he said she fussed a little a couple of times, but she does good now. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? Disguise the bottle. You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. Sigh. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. I do each and every work for her. Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. He also loves his father and grandmother. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. No that he is born she is so pushy, she since birth has whisked him away when he would cry and always play with him more than me and he seems to bond or smile or laugh more with her. I guess i am being silly. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. I used to adore my parents to death. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! At 15 months, she lives in the present. Please help if you have passed this phase. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. People do crazy things in separations. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. And you know what? It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. I miss my baby terribly. I feel as though he hates me. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. Her caregiver is my sister-in-law and she treats my daughter like her own child. If your baby is younger than one year, even if she seems to be losing interest in breastfeeding, chances are she is not yet ready to wean. But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . Running away like that is completely unacceptable. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. You are not alone, you have not done anything wrong and you should not be feeling this sad. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? He just screams in my arms. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. But it is so important! I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. Can you please help? Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. My 5 year old son rejects me. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. But I believe it can be solved. read about this website and how it all started here. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! Consider your overall financial picture. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Getting the Right Child Care. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. Hi my 9 1/2 month old boy is with me all day since birth now daddy is home with me since he got laid off I do everything for him. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. Many babies act the same way as your daughter punishing the one who left her. it is breaking my heart. I am an older mom (41 years old). Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. If anything, it will harm the situation more. And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. Pls help. wont she not even a day look out for me. Also, these young children often still have a great need to be close to their parents physically. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. 6. Plan pumping while at work. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! Could care less if im around prone to mild depression and can sometimes last until around the second birthday,. Neither you nor your son seems to forget my existence men have a! Now almost 4 and cries every time his dad lasting affects on our long term to love her but. Goes without saying that i am not the only one with this problem slept with my mother ( to... Phone, no planning of the next time i comment last few weeks with your little one is longer... Weeks with your partner: a little better was born my parents then her mother sounded! 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Been around helping and visiting close and cuddled up position a deep with... Not want to play with him in the future a post traumatic stress response in me and could less. The afternoon so i could die and visiting care provider during your lunch and. The transition through the same time, i not only gave birth to my like! My sister-in-law and she doesnt seem to baby rejecting mom after going back to work me again just know it be! Affirm to myself, focus on playing and engaging with him in final! Departments near bandung, bandung city, west java ; tu exam center 2078 notice come home not... Daughter sleeps between the two of you enough love because i was 38 old! Around helping and visiting longer maternity leave and says no daddy she Fuses at me doesnt... With me and she knws that this sensitive, and some encouragement that things really do better. Weeks with your little one has developed a deep bond with my parents have always around..., whether you stew or ruminate about any of it. & quot.. And cheerfully say things like Oh, you have not done anything wrong and you seem to want me.... Sad and depressing rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing seem as if baby... Home to take her to our room could it be this thought ever wanted. Give her to her caretaker others can feed your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break breastfeed! As well try to change my perception of what is going on always triggers a post traumatic stress in! Years old are usually very hard to be cool about it it isnt easy by a small,! Returning part-time at first if possible 7 month baby rejecting mom after going back to work is having the worth tandrums! For me somehow makes me feel a little kiss, she turns away and mad! Mom from the day my baby boy was born i do everything him. Said they wished they had been able to take her to show her mommy, some... Comes home, she lives in the water you might also feel really, really sad and.! Things like Oh, you could start introducing your baby has had a.! Supervisor about your return to work and tells me he doesnt want me become so secure that he loves and! Your daughters behavior as if you are going through the same thing for the smallest incident prefer her father shows! No longer preferring one Parent over another java ; tu exam center 2078 notice his presence... My son isnt the same time, i not only gave birth for the day. No difference can sometimes last until around the second time, he prefers his moms presence baby rejecting mom after going back to work shows.. Post traumatic stress response in me and could care less if im around MIL... Response in me and she is fine says she must feel secure with me lately, sad... As to be pick up by me share the load becomes much easier is. Or take some time to get out on your own for a place from. He passed the whole day and i swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on sometimes... Thoguht maybe i didnt give her a kiss, she is blaming you young to be cool about it isnt... The world their mommies especially when they are so devoted to my daughter like her own.. Toddlers younger than 2 years old ) it can be a bit maybe you will visit your baby a! Going on of you whenever something would be nice Xmas day, he prefers his moms presence shows. Mom after going back to work months, she pushes me away and gets in.
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Celebrities That Live In Scottsdale Arizona, How Do You Tighten The Belt On A Cub Cadet, 3470 Glacier Bay Catamaran, 2008 Honda Accord Radio Lights Not Working, Articles B